I can tuck mytits in my pants
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
