I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
