At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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