now i know why i became what i already was.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
