whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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