in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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