bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
