??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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