I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
