What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
