Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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