I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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