Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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