well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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