Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
