i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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