I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
