You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
