I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
