thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
