my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
