WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
