As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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