I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Found your dick twin last night
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
