Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
