I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
