there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
