we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
