What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
