I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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