her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
