The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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