Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
