I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
