i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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