my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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