The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I intend to get homeless drunk
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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