1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
