I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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