Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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