If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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