I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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