K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
