TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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