So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
