mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
