I didn't shave. On purpose
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
