You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
