we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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