so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
