I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
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I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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