turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
