Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
