he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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