Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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