I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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