Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
