If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
