marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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