she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
