You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
