I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
