Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.