Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.

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  (440): Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing. http://tfl.nu/x35s
  Replies (51) Good night (10527) Bad night (1571)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky

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  (604): People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky http://tfl.nu/clbn
  Replies (90) Good night (8112) Bad night (1340)
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  (949): View more from California

  You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?

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  (949): You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5? http://tfl.nu/3tc1
  Replies (15) Good night (7622) Bad night (1014)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  There r osticjed everywhere

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  (248): There r osticjed everywhere http://tfl.nu/gpnb
  Replies (12) Good night (1849) Bad night (1171)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives

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  (816): They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives http://tfl.nu/kcvk
  Replies (13) Good night (4776) Bad night (1222)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.

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  (773): Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth. http://tfl.nu/gnm7
  Replies (3) Good night (1872) Bad night (771)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try

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  (845): I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try http://tfl.nu/7nb7
  Replies (1) Good night (1646) Bad night (636)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won

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  (314): Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won http://tfl.nu/r5as
  Replies (6) Good night (3581) Bad night (743)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should probably take note of that and make it happen.

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  (267): In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards. (267): You should probably take note of that and make it happen. http://tfl.nu/k5f3
  Replies (22) Good night (2783) Bad night (743)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?

  (1-516): View more from New York

  I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.

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  (516): I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in? (1-516): I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift. http://tfl.nu/715b
  Replies (3) Good night (1433) Bad night (528)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"

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  (407): It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate" http://tfl.nu/k3ux
  Replies (1) Good night (787) Bad night (842)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.

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  (765): He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever. http://tfl.nu/9j5e
  Replies (5) Good night (1249) Bad night (911)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Like it was yesterday.

  (254): View more from Texas

  Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...

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  (254): Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears? (517): Like it was yesterday. (254): Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery... http://tfl.nu/058m
  Replies (5) Good night (1215) Bad night (405)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.

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  (770): High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner. http://tfl.nu/6vaw
  Replies (3) Good night (1146) Bad night (284)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.

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  (702): I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get. http://tfl.nu/37ej
  Replies (0) Good night (662) Bad night (221)

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