i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.