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i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
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