Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.