i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
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The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?