I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
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in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
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But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.