Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The Olympian is in my bed
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
