Im at strip club and am horny
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
