Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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