You can't motorboat a personality
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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