i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Randomize
