where am i from again
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
