i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
