I wish I could punch you in the face.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I FOUND THE LEGS
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
