he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
