sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
