STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Less talking, more tequila
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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