I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
