We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
