i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
