im drinking this country out of the recession.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
