they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
