I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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