U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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