Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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