It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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