I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
