we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
