Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
