Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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